


When Harry met Ross (Again)

by My_Trex_has_fleas



Series: Land and Sea [7]
Category: Poldark - All Media Types, Return to Treasure Island (TV)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Hobbies, PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-24
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-17 01:20:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4646976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Trex_has_fleas/pseuds/My_Trex_has_fleas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ross makes a new friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. There's Somebody at The Door

Mornings were the worst. 

Ross could pretend at night that maybe Jim was just downstairs and would come up later. But mornings were the time he knew he wasn’t there. He stretched one hand into the empty space of the left side of the bed. Jim’s side. He had no idea how they had decided that, it had just come about. But now Ross could close his eyes and imagine reaching out and touching Jim’s warm body, lying in his characteristic position of on his side with one hand under his head and the other up by his face. 

Instead he got a face full of puppy breath and an inquisitive pair of eyes staring at him.

‘Morning, Star.’ he mumbled and patted the Schipperke. Starboard cocked his head and wriggled closer. Ross smiled at him, scratching behind the pointed ears. He sighed. It had only been two weeks and he was missing Jim like crazy, but he could at least call him every day and email and Skype so it wasn’t anywhere nearly as bad as it had been in Afghanistan. 

Ross reached for his phone and checked the time. It was seven o’clock and Denmark was only an hour ahead. Ross knew that Jim would already be up. He dialled his number and waited. 

‘Hey you.’ Jim’s voice was bright and cheerful. Ross smiled at how pleased Jim sounded to hear from him. It meant that Jim was missing him just as much. ‘You’re up early.’

‘I’m not technically up.’ Ross said, his voice still sleep rough.

‘You’re still in bed?’ Jim asked. There was the sound of a door opening and closing, then the clipped sound of Jim’s boots on the floor. 

‘Yeah.’ Ross rolled onto his back. ‘You on your way to breakfast?’

‘Uh-huh.’ Jim shifted the phone and his voice was muffled for a second. ‘Got a busy day though. I’ll call you when I get back in.’

‘Okay.’ Ross sighed. ‘I miss you.’ He could almost hear Jim’s smile.

‘I miss you too.’ he said. ‘Tonight, okay?’

‘Till then.’ Ross said. ‘I’ll let you go.’

‘I love you, baby.’ Jim said and Ross closed his eyes and let the words wash over him.

‘I love you too, Jim.’ he replied. Then Jim cut the call and left Ross to stare at the phone for a while, looking at the picture of them he had set as his background.

He was up and showered and making coffee before Rose appeared, her dinosaur slippers on and her thick fluffy purple dressing gown that Jim called her ‘Imperial Robe’ wrapped around her. 

‘Morning duckie.’ she said, padding over to him and kissing his cheek. Ross accepted the kiss and waved her to the table, then poured her coffee, added milk and sugar and brought it to her. She took it from him, and smiled. ‘Did you sleep well?’

‘Better.’ Ross said. ‘No bad dreams.’

‘Good sign.’ Rose said. ‘You have any plans for today?’

‘No.’ Ross said. ‘I had physio yesterday. You need me at the pub?’ He’d been helping out because Jeanie their regular barmaid was doing her exams for college. Ross was surprised to find that he actually quite enjoyed working behind the bar and that he was good at it.

‘Not today, duckie.’ Rose said. ‘I may have invited someone over, so I just wanted to check if you were doing anything before I send the two of you out to play.’ Ross frowned.

‘Who?’ he asked. As if on cue there was a knock at the front door and the dogs started barking happily and ran to it.

‘Why don’t you go see?’ Rose said with a twinkle. Ross gave her a suspicious look but she only grinned at him. ‘Go on.’ Ross put down his mug and walked to the door. When he opened it, a pair of green eyes looked at him and a freckled face split into a wide grin.

‘Hi.’ said Harry. ‘Heard there was a sick, lame and lazy case here that needed fixing.’ 

***********

They ended up on the beach, walking along the waterline. It was a remarkably fine day, the sea stretching away in a grey-green sheet under a milky blue sky.

Harry had both hands stuck in his pockets and was kicking at the small pebbles that had been washed up on the beach.

‘You had a rough time of it the last couple of months.’ he said. Ross looked at him with raised eyebrows.

‘Don’t fucking sugarcoat it.’ he said. ‘How the fuck did you know anyway?’

‘Billie.’ Harry said. ‘She called me and told me to get my arse up here and help you.’ Ross felt the urge to bridle at that, but managed to keep it under control.

‘And what makes Billie think you can help me?’ he asked. He continued walking and then realised that Harry had stopped. When Ross turned back to look at him, Harry pulled up his jumper and shirt, revealing a washboard stomach lightly dusted with light brown hair. He also revealed three puckered scars that were spread across his abdomen, white against the darker skin of his belly. Ross stared at them then looked up at Harry. Harry pulled his shirt down. 

‘I think we need a drink for this.’ he said. Ross nodded wordlessly.

They continued back until they got to the house. Rose was sitting outside on the terrace, her glasses perched on her nose and her tablet in front of her. She saw them coming and looked at them questioningly.

‘We’re going to take a drive.’ Harry said to her. ‘Maybe get some lunch. I’ll have him home before it gets dark.’

‘Be sure you do.’ Rose smiled. ‘I’ll be in big trouble if I lose him.’

‘Sure thing, Rose.’ Harry said. He looked at Ross. ‘North or south, Poldark?’

**********

Ross chose south and they drove in Harry’s banger until they got to Porlock Weir and parked. Then they went into the pub and sat down to have lunch.

‘How?’ Ross asked after they got their first round of pints. 

Iraq.’ Harry replied, ‘Firefight in close quarters.’

‘Three fucking shots though.’ Ross said. ‘That’s serious.’

‘Yes, it was.’ Harry said. ‘I thought I was fucking done in to be honest. I was in hospital for a month while they sewed my guts back together and I didn’t shit for another two.’ He looked at Ross, his face grave. ‘I came back very damaged and very angry.’

‘What did you do?’ Ross asked. He was astonished. Harry seemed so together and so well-balanced.

‘I went into a serious downward spiral for a while. Drank too much, got into fights, broke up with Alec.’ Harry said. He sipped his beer and grinned at the shock on Ross’ face. ‘What? You think you were the first soldier to lose it over something like this?’

‘You broke up with Alec?’ Ross said. ‘But you two are like…’ He frowned. ‘Fuck.’

‘Yeah.’ Harry said. He heaved a sigh. ‘Thank fuck Alec wasn’t about to put up with my shit and basically told me that he wasn’t going anywhere, even if I wanted him to.’

‘Sounds familiar.’ Ross mused. ‘Are all sailors so fucking stubborn?’ Harry grinned.

‘You have no fucking idea.’ he said. ‘But they are also loyal as fuck and Jim particularly so.’ There was an amused tone in his voice and when Ross gave him a questioning look, Harry chuckled. ‘He likes everyone to think he played it cool when Alec and I got together, but he did corner me one night and basically threatened to cut my balls off if I ever hurt him.’

‘Sounds like I got off lightly, in that case.’ Ross said. He hesitated, wanting to know but also afraid of how to broach the subject.

‘Ask.’ Harry said, almost as if he’d read Ross’ mind.

‘Isn’t it weird for you?’ Ross said. ‘Knowing they…you know.’

‘Used to fuck? Harry finished. He shrugged. ‘It was at first. I haven’t stayed friends with any of my exes.’ He sat back and the conversation was briefly interrupted as the waiter put down their food. They waited until he left and then picked up the conversation again. ‘The thing is though that they’ve basically known each other since they were kids. Honestly I think they just kind of fell into things.’

‘Jim said they were together for four years.’ Ross picked at his chips. 

‘They got together when he turned eighteen.’ Harry picked up the salt and added a liberal sprinkling to his. ‘Alec was away at uni and came back for his birthday party and apparently it was like a light going off for both of them. Then when Alec got his commission on Defiant, it just got too hard and they realised they were too young and broke it off.’ He gave Ross a look. ‘You and I can thank our lucky stars for that.’ 

‘They probably have a lot more in common than we do with them.’ Ross said, feeling a little despondent.

‘They have everything in common.’ Harry said. ‘But we’re the ones they have in their respective beds. Remember that.’ He picked up his sandwich in both hands and took a huge bite of it, chewing and swallowing quickly. Ross smiled to himself. He recognised the need to eat as much and quickly as possible, a hallmark of all soldiers. It sometimes frustrated him how slowly Jim ate in comparison. 

‘I guess so.’ He replied. ‘I am learning there’s lots of things I need to remember.’ He shifted in his chair. ‘You and Alec have been together a long time?’

‘Three years now.’ Harry said. ‘It’s not so easy with him being gone for long periods, but we manage. I keep house and hang around waiting for him and he sails around the world and leaves me with the housework.’ He smiled and finished off the last bite of his sandwich. ‘I have become surprisingly domesticated.’

‘So you’re not front line anymore?’ Ross asked and Harry shook his head.

‘Not with my medical condition the way it is. I passed my physical and my psych, but my CO wasn’t happy with me going back out.’

‘So what do you do now?’ Ross was interested. He hadn’t given much thought to what he would do if he didn’t go back on deployment.

‘I train and I work with the border patrols.’ Harry said. There’s just as much that needs doing at home as there is overseas. You should look into it.’

‘I didn’t realise it was an option.’ Ross replied. ‘How did you go about it?’

‘My CO made some enquiries, but I would imagine that yours is still out of the country.’

‘They’ll be back around the same time Jim is.’ Ross said. ‘I am struggling without him a bit. Thank God I’m staying with Rose.’

‘You need to get used to it.’ Harry said. ‘Getting back to work will help a lot, but I also recommend getting a hobby. You have anything you like to do besides that?’

‘Not really.’ Ross said. ‘I used to go jogging on the base, but I’m kind of out of that until this is done.’ He tapped his knee for emphasis. 

‘You need something that will channel all the other shit.’ Harry said.

‘So what do you do?’ Ross asked.

‘Veteran’s Theatre.’ Harry said. ‘We’re doing Julius Caesar next month.’ Ross frowned. 

‘I don’t think that’s really my scene.’ He said. ‘Not so hot on the whole drama thing.’

‘You must have one something before you got in.’ Harry grinned. ‘Sport?’

‘Does polo count?’ Ross grinned back.

‘All right what about other shit like, I don’t know, fishing or Rose could teach you to sail or you could try being an amateur historian like Alasdair but he takes it way too far.’ Ross frowned, trying to think of something.

‘Art.’ he said, more to himself than anything. ‘I used to like art.’

‘There you go.’ Harry said. ‘It’s a start.’

‘Yeah.’ Ross mused. ‘It is.’ He pushed his now empty plate away. 'Did it take a while?'

'What?' Harry asked.

'That.' Ross said, glancing at his stomach. 'To get over, I mean.'

'About four months for the physical effects.' Harry said. 'But this,' here he tapped at the side of his head, 'that will take a lot longer.' He shrugged. 'I think I still haven't. That's why it's really good to find something that can get you out of the house and out of your head.'

'I'm starting to realise that.' Ross said. 'I mean I love it here with Rose, but I can't stay here forever.'

'Well, give it some thought.' Harry said. 'You should also find a support group. We do some for veterans and currently serving personnel and they're really good. I could hook you up if you want.'

'Thanks, Harry.' Ross smiled. 'I think that would be a really good idea.'

They finished their pints and left, spending the rest of the drive talking about arms and tactics and the lunacy of being in love with sailors.

'Seriously, it's like Alec is the most practical person I have ever met, but when it comes to superstitions he's nuts.' Harry laughed. 'Wait, you'll see what I mean.'

'I am a little worried now.' Ross was laughing as well. 'Jesus, what the fuck have I gotten myself into.'

'And I seriously suggest you learn to look like you're drinking while not actually drinking at all.' Harry said. 'Otherwise you will be a raging alcoholic in a year. And for the love of God, never mention Horatio Nelson in anything other than a positive context. And do not under any circumstances suggest the Duke of Wellington had a greater influence on the outcome of the Napoleonic War.'

'Isn't that just Alasdair and Alec though?' Ross was now laughing so hard his sides were starting to ache. 

'Ah, but you forget that from the time he was ten, Jim practically lived in that house. Especially after Rob died. Alec wasn't joking when he said he was like a brother.'

'Now that just raises questions about their relationship that I really don't want answered.' Ross snickered. 'Christ...' he caught Harry's eye and they both burst out laughing again.

'All I can say is thank fuck I have an ally in the field now.' Harry said. 'At least there'll be one normal person at family functions in the future.'

'Amen to that.' Ross replied.


	2. Suggestions While Hiking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Ross go hiking and some interesting things are mentioned.

Two weeks later Ross found himself on Exmoor with his backpack on and, much to his surprise, actually keeping up with Harry. It had been almost five months to the day after the ambush and a week before he’d been given the all clear by the orthopaedic surgeon at the hospital in Bridgwater, and Harry had decided that he needed to celebrate by testing out how far he would push himself. So he’d shown up on Rose’s doorstep with a grin and a couple of maps and he and Ross had driven into Hawkcombe, parked up and hiked into the national park.

Ross was enjoying himself, and he couldn’t hide the smile on his face as he got to where Harry was standing, looking down the slope across the moorland. It wasn’t just the physical activity though. He and Harry were getting along like a house on fire and it was so nice to have someone he could just hang out with again or call if the need arose, although Harry did keep some odd hours due to his work with the night patrols. He more than made up for it by recounting stories of late night patrols and drug busts on private yachts off the Dorset coast. Ross didn’t have many friends outside the regiment, and with Carter, Holmewood and Angie all still on deployment he’d kind of focused his attentions on Rose and Trish and Jeffrey. While they were all lovely and he was more than happy in their company, Ross had missed the easy comradery of his mates in the regiment. 

Harry, on the other hand, was not only military but also the same as him. Ross had spent so many of his early years hiding his sexuality that he had no gay friends to speak of. He had gone to great pains to avoid every trope and every stereotype of what his father had referred to as abhorrent behaviour. He had no camp mannerisms to speak of and was so far at the opposite end of the spectrum that he had passed for straight since he had been old enough to show an interest. The result of all that though was that he’d never really had any contact with people like himself outside the army, where almost everyone was a closet case anyway. But now Ross had someone else to talk to and he’d been amazed by how easy it was to open up to Harry and tell him things that he’d never told Holmewood or Carter. They had compared upbringings (Harry’s family had basically disowned him when they’ found out he was gay), talked about their past relationships and spent an inordinate time discussing their respective boyfriends. 

‘You doing okay?’ he asked as Ross reached him.

‘Yeah.’ Ross smiled. ‘It feels good to be out.’

‘And even better when there’s no-one shooting at you.’ Harry grinned. He waved down towards a copse in the distance. ‘There and back again?’

‘How much have we done?’ Ross asked, shifting his pack. 

‘About four miles so far.’ Harry said. ‘You need a break?’

‘Not yet.’ Ross replied. The one he thing he never felt with Harry was the need to hide his pain. He knew that Harry understood. ‘It’s achey, but I can keep going at least to there. I need to get back into shape.’

‘Yeah, well don’t push too hard.’ Harry said.

‘I’m used to hiking forty miles, Campbell.’ Ross grinned. ‘I can keep up.’

‘Yeah but that’s forty army miles, not forty Marine miles.’ Harry was laughing. Ross gave him a friendly backhand on the arm.

‘Just fucking move.’ he said. Harry gave him a mocking salute and they went down the hill. 

At the bottom they turned across the field that lead to the copse, following the trail. Ross got into the old pattern of step and breathe which allowed him to think as they walked. He was exactly at the halfway point until it was time for Jim to come home, and he thought he was doing quite well. There hadn’t been many panic attacks, only two serious ones since Jim left and Ross had mostly had the wherewithal to call Jim as soon as he felt the little red claws at the back of his mind. Jim’s voice on the other side had allowed him to keep everything in check. Talking to Demelza every day had also helped enormously.

‘Can I ask you something?’ he asked, and Harry looked back over his shoulder at him.

‘Sure.’ he replied. 

‘The dreams.’ Ross said. He and Harry had discussed their respective nightmares, although they had both avoided specifics. ‘How do you deal with them?’

‘As they come.’ Harry replied. ‘The first few months were the hardest. Alec didn’t get a hell of a lot of sleep but I always calmed down when I woke up and he was there. Then after I bailed, I found they got much worse. It was only when he kicked my arse and dragged me back home that I realised that I always sleep better when he’s in the bed. I don’t know what it is, but he just calms me right down.’ He gave Ross a speculative look. ‘You didn’t have that though. Not at first.’

‘No.’ Ross said. ‘But the last couple of months have gone a long way to helping. Him being gone now has brought some of them back.’ 

‘You know it’s not bad thing to lean on Jim.’ Harry said. ‘Maybe you should tell him.’

‘I don’t want to worry him.’ Ross sighed. ‘Not when he can’t do anything.’

‘Alec used to talk me to sleep.’ Harry said and Ross frowned.

‘What do you mean?’ he asked.

‘Exactly that. He’d stay on the phone and talk to me until he could hear I was asleep and then hang up.’ Harry said. ‘It got me to sleep.’ Ross nodded.

‘I get that.’ he said. ‘I feel like with Jim, it’s like he grounds me. But I still don’t like to ask for it. I’m just not used to having someone have such an impact on me.’

‘Can I ask a question now?’ Harry had stopped and his green eyes were serious. ‘Do you two ever, you know…’ He seemed to be struggling with the words and Ross looked at him quizzically.

‘Do we ever what?’ he asked, and Harry chuckled. They certainly hadn’t shied away from talking about sex so Ross was a little bemused by what would have Harry pulling the shy guy routine.

‘Christ, I can’t believe I’m saying this. Do you two ever use the power balance?’ To Ross’ amazement, he noticed a light flush spreading through the freckles. ‘Like does Jim ever take control of what you do in bed?’

‘Oh.’ he said, completely lost for words. It took a moment for him to recover. ‘Um…why are you asking?’

‘It helps.’ Harry said. ‘Alec and I do it.’ He shrugged, not quite meeting Ross’ eyes. ‘Just a suggestion.’ He turned and started walking and Ross was left standing. He had to jog a little to catch up. Harry turned to look at him with a sheepish smile. ‘That was probably TMI, right?’

‘No.’ Ross said. ‘It wasn’t. And yes, we do. Well, at least we’ve been kind of trying things out. And yes, Jim usually runs the show.’

‘You sub out yet?’ Harry asked, and Ross frowned.

‘What do you mean?’ he said and Harry grinned.

‘Mate, we have a lot to talk about.’ he said.


	3. Tide Variations In The Baltic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Only a week until Jim comes home.

Rose got to the bottom of the ladder and dusted off her hands.

‘I give up.’ she said. ‘I have no idea where they are, and I have to get off to the pub in an hour. If Jim wants them he’ll have to bloody look for them himself next time he’s home.’ She looked around at the boxes that she’d passed down to Ross in their search for Jim’s old boots. ‘I don’t know why he can’t just use his current ones.’ She stopped and snickered. ‘Yes, I do. Because Mr Anal Retentive would rather die than scuff his parade boots. Jesus Christ, who knew I would give birth to a child that is cleaner than I could ever hope to be. Do you know, when he was a teenager he completely took over his own laundry because he said I didn’t do it properly.’ Ross grinned at her and then they both started laughing. 

‘He makes me feel messy.’ he said. ‘But then I grew up with a housekeeper so going into the army was a bit of a shock for me.’

‘I can imagine.’ Rose led him downstairs and they went into the kitchen. It had become a ritual for both of them to sit in the living room after lunch and have a cup of tea and some of Rose’s baked goods. Ross thanked his lucky stars that his metabolism hadn’t been affected by the ambush and he was able to burn off the calories with the hiking regime he’d set himself. Harry came up regularly now, actually every weekend, and he and Ross went hiking all over the place but Ross had started doing it on his own during the week as well, and had also added in a short run along the beach every morning. He’d skipped the hike today though to help Rose dig through all the stuff in the loft in search of the missing parade boots.

They went into the kitchen and Ross went to refill the kettle and put it on. Seven weeks of living with Rose had created a comfortable routine of little rituals that they now shared. And he knew that Rose had enjoyed it as much as he had, and he felt a pang at having to leave her comfortable cottage with its wonderful warmth and the constant feel of Jim around him. He was everywhere from the pictures on the wall – Jim in his school uniform with a skinny pink-haired Preston next to him, Jim in tight black speedos, goggles around his neck and his short blond hair sticking up holding the swimming trophy that Rose kept on the living room mantelpiece, Jim at his coming out parade in pristine dress uniform – to the items that cluttered his bedroom. Ross had gone over them, fingers trailing lovingly along the spines of the books Jim had and opening the wardrobe to touch the never ending collection of plaid shirts Jim owned (anyone would think his boyfriend was a lumberjack and not a sailor). He’d stood in the bathroom, sniffing the bottle of Cool Water, the smell he always associated with Jim when they went out, like a love struck teenager and even sat at Jim’s desk, looking out the window with the urchin skeleton that Jim kept on the desk in his hands, smelling the ghost of brine on his fingers afterwards. 

‘Here.’ Rose said, placing a plate of custard biscuits on the table. Ross smiled at her. He’d told her how Barb had used to make them for him when he was a child and Rose had hunted down a recipe and surprised him with them a few weeks before. He made their tea and brought it to the table, taking a biscuit and dunking it then shoving it in his mouth. Rose watched him fondly, and Ross felt the old twinge as he realised that he was not exactly behaving politely. But then Rose did the same and her eyes crinkled at the corners as she smiled and Ross saw Jim in her face so strongly that he was overwhelmed by the rush of love he felt. 

‘I’m sorry.’ he said. ‘They’re just really good.’

‘Don’t apologise.’ Rose said. ‘I have spent my last twenty-eight years with first one man and then another who felt no need to stand on ceremony when it comes to biscuits. Especially bourbons. I would advise you to never ever touch Jim’s bourbons. He gets like a rabid dog if you do.’ She gave Ross one of those thoughtful looks. ‘Your family was very strict?’

‘Everything was done properly.’ Ross said. ‘But at the same time everything was done for me, so it was like I was a stranger in my own home. Jim teases me about having a stick up my arse but he’s right. I’ve never felt comfortable anywhere. Except here.’ He saw Rose’s eyes soften and then she leaned across and out her hand over his.

‘You know.’ she said. ‘My parents brought me up to be so very proper. I was quiet and well-behaved and never said so much as damn it in polite company. I also had no idea of who I was.’ 

‘That sounds familiar.’ Ross said. ‘I feel like they would be really surprised to find out who I actually am, although so much of that I’ve questioned since…’ He shrugged and trailed off.

'Well, if it's any consolation I was the same as you were.' Rose said.

‘You’ll forgive if I find that hard to believe.’ Ross said. ‘You swear even more than my first DI did.’

‘Robert Edward Hawkins was responsible for that.’ Rose said, with that smile that was ever so slightly tinged with sadness that she got whenever she talked about Rob. ‘He came crashing through all my walls of reserve and polite behaviour like a big blond steam engine. My parents were horrified by him. I remember the first time we had a combined family get together a couple of weeks before our engagement party and that was Eddie and Rob combined, as well as what seemed like the entire crew of Rob’s ship. And my mother and father just sat there as the language got bluer and bluer and Effie was laughing like a drain and Eddie and Rob were both sitting there with their matching smiles and their bloody pipes.’ Ross watched her as she dissolved into giggles.

‘It sounds nice.’ he said a little wistfully.

‘It was.’ Rose replied. ‘I wish so many times he was still here. He’s missed out on so much. He never got to see Jim grow up into the fine strong man he is now, never got to see how well we’ve done with the pub and Jim’s career. I’m not going to spend my twilight years with him like he promised we would. But my greatest regret though is that Rob is not here now to see what a wonderful man his son has brought home, and how very happy he makes our boy.’ 

‘Thank you, Rose.’ Ross replied. ‘That means a lot.’

‘Well, I always wanted a son who had gorgeous dark eyes.’ Rose smiled. ‘Not that that was going to happen with the combined Lewis/Hawkins gene pool. So you’re kind of fulfilling a life’s ambition.’ Ross laughed.

***********

Rose left after an hour and headed off for her shift in the pub. Ross had offered to go with her but she’d waved him off.

‘You’ve only got one week left until you go back.’ she had said. ‘Enjoy your time off.’ Ross had waved her off from the front door and then retreated back inside. The last couple of weeks of October were turning dark and stormy, the weather closing in dramatically. He’d already lit the fire and Starboard and Port were ensconced on the sofa.

He headed back upstairs and started to shift the boxes back into the loft, as he had offered to do. It was mostly random things, and it didn’t take him very long to get them all back in the roof space. He was about to back down the ladder when something caught his eye. It was a box of toys. Ross went over and sat down on a bare patch of floor then looked in the box. He smiled as he lifted out a toy boat and then put it to one side.

A couple of hours later and Ross was laughing as he read his way through a box full of stuff from Jim’s life and childhood. He’d discovered them under a few other boxes, which he’d found contained basically almost Jim’s entire existence before he joined the navy. There were school reports, loads of photos in a lined shoebox which showed a sweet faced blond child growing up into a good looking blond teenager. There was a series of pictures of various Sea Cadet events, Jim and Preston and Halford all standing together and smiling with other cadets. There were some of them doing a flag drill, and even more of them on TS Phoebe. Then there were some from when Jim was at university of parties and Jim looking flushed and obviously drunk, smiling like an idiot with an assortment of people Ross didn’t know. He had to bite back a wave of jealousy at a few pictures of him and Alec together, bright eyed and happy and impossibly young. The final one of the sequence showed them kissing and Ross glared at it, as if by doing so he could negate the fact that Jim had been with anyone else but him. He put the photos back and lifted out an old blue leather collar, the disc on it engraved with the name Sparrowhawk. Ross equated it with the brindle boxer that he’d seen in the pictures with Jim aged around fourteen to eighteen by the looks of things. And that was as far as he got because his phone rang downstairs. 

Cursing the fact that he hadn’t brought it upstairs with him, Ross got up and went down the ladder as quickly as he could. Which wasn’t very quickly at all. When he got to his phone which was on the bedside table, he was too late. Ross checked the call history but was only confronted with an unknown number. That made him pause. Jim’s number would have shown up. He racked his brain trying to figure out who would have called him but then the phone came to life in his hand and he answered it with a tentative hello.

‘Ross.’ The voice on the other side could have frozen the sea outside. ‘Do you have any idea how much effort we’ve had to put into tracking you down? We tried your mobile but got some ghastly foreign woman.’ 

‘That number was changed about ten months ago, Mother.’ he said, all his hackles going up at the sound of Olivia’s voice. 

‘Well, it’s the number I have for you.’ she said, sounding affronted. ‘We only got back to Nampara this morning to find our answering machine practically stuffed with somebody talking about how you were injured and I said to your father that it was obviously the wrong number but then we called Bovington, and they are awful with giving out information.’

‘I’m sorry I inconvenienced you.’ Ross said, trying desperately to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. Fortunately his mother was on a roll and didn’t even notice.

‘Well, they told us that you had been injured and that you’ve been back for the last three months. I’m a little surprised you didn’t think to contact us, Ross.’ she said, the admonishment in her voice exactly the same as the tone she’d always used when Ross had done something she disapproved of. 

‘I assumed you were uncontactable.’ he replied, keeping his voice as steady as he could. ‘My doctor said they tried on several occasions but couldn’t reach you.’

‘We’ve been in India.’ Olivia said airily. ‘If you bothered to check in with us once in a while you would have known that. Now where are you? We called the house but no-one answered.’ Ross pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling the scratching behind his eyes starting.

‘I’m in Somerset.’ he said. He could almost hear his mother frowning, picture the line between her perfectly groomed eyebrows.

‘What on Earth are you doing there?’ she asked. Ross took a deep breath and bit the bullet.

‘I’m staying with my boyfriend’s mother while he’s on deployment.’ he said. There was a long silence on the other side of the phone.

‘Ross.’ Olivia said. ‘How many times have we talked about this?’

‘Enough.’ Ross replied, unable to keep the edge out of his voice. ‘His name’s Jim Hawkins by the way. He’s a Lieutenant in the Royal Navy and he flew all the way back from the Philippines to come and be with me when he found out I was injured.’ He desperately wanted to add ‘unlike you’ but knew that would just result in a full on fight so he bit his tongue.

‘I would prefer to not to know, thank you.’ Olivia’s voice was prim. ‘You know how your father and I feel about that.’

‘We’ve been together more than a year, Mother.’ Ross said. He was suddenly so unbelievably tired. ‘He’s on my emergency contact list. This isn’t going to go away.’

‘It will when you meet the right woman.’ Olivia stated, her smug certainty making Ross want to kick things. ‘Now are you going to come home?’

‘No.’ he replied. ‘I am home.’ Then he hung up.

*********

That night Ross woke up in a cold sweat. The dream had been so real he still had the chemical tang of phosphorus and the sweet coppery smell of blood in his nostrils. He lay there, heart pounding and breathing short and erratic. It felt like he could not even bring himself to move, but eventually he managed to throw out a hand and switch on the light. There was a whine from Starboard at the sudden brightness.

‘Sorry boy.’ Ross murmured, then reached for his phone. Half of him hated the thought of needing to call, but the other half was feeling terrified and out of control and he remembered Jim’s exhortations to call if he needed him. He checked the time, grimacing when he saw it was three in the morning. Then he thought to hell with it and dialled. It rang twice and then Jim was there.

‘Hey, baby.’ he said, his voice rough and sleepy. ‘You have a bad dream?’

‘Yeah.’ Ross turned onto his side and closed his eyes, focusing on the voice that made him feel like all the shadows had just been chased away. 

‘What do you need?’ Jim asked and Ross could hear him turn over in his bed, then the click of a light. 

‘Could you talk me to sleep?’ he asked, his voice shaky like the voice of a child.

‘Of course I can.’ Jim said and Ross could hear the smile in his voice even though he still sounded half asleep. ‘You want to hear about tide variations in the Baltic?’ Ross sighed and settled down.

‘Yes, please.’ he said. Then Jim started talking and Ross felt himself starting to calm, the soothing sound of Jim’s voice lulling him back down into sleep. By the time he felt himself dropping off, Ross was back inside himself, his breathing deepening and evening out. The last thing he remembered was the sound of Jim’s voice saying he loved him.


End file.
